At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach Hans, run It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters, untap Artful Looter.

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

This spell costs more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

Madness , cycling , kicker , flashback , buyback

Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Flying

Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Spells you cast cost o½ less to cast.

As Circle of Protection: Art enters, choose an artist.

: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Trample

When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Flying

When Double Header enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

As Farewell to Arms enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Counter target spell unless its controller pays o½.

, : Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

As Gluetius Maximus enters, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)

When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

You gain life equal to your age.

: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

: Untap Greater Morphling.

Flying, first strike, trample

Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay , reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Flying

Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.

All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Add for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters, choose a letter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return that card to your hand.

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Phasing, cumulative upkeep , echo , fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.

When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

, , Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.

Exile target artifact.

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

Shoe Tree enters with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.

Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.

As Six-y Beast enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters.