At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach Hans, run It's the . . ." and name a creature card. If you do, search your library for the named card, put it into play, then shuffle your library. That creature has haste. Remove it from the game at end of turn.
: This card's name becomes the name of your choice. Play this ability anywhere, anytime.
Name an artist. Remove the top six cards of your library from the game, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card by the named artist. Put that card in your hand, then remove all the other cards revealed this way from the game.
Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.
: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent comes into play that shares an artist with another permanent you control, untap Artful Looter.
Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.
Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey comes into play, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.
Oubleday ikestray
Eneverwhay Atinlay Igpay's ontrollercay eaksspay ay onnay-Igpay-Atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.
Avatar of Me costs more to play for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me's color is the color of your eyes.
Remove target attacking creature from the game. Then remove it from the removed-from-game zone and put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.
, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.
Trample
Whenever a player plays a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
Madness , cycling , kicker , flashback , buyback
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to target creature or player.
If the kicker cost was paid, put a 1/1 red Goblin creature token into play.
When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.
Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)
Whenever you play a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.
: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.
Bursting Beebles is unblockable as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.
Flying
Gotcha Whenever an opponent touches the table with his or her hand, you may say "Gotcha" If you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.
Spells you play cost less to play.
You may sneak Cheatyface into play at any time without paying for it, but if an opponent catches you right away, that player may remove Cheatyface from the game.
As Circle of Protection: Art comes into play, choose an artist.
: The next time a source of your choice by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.
City of Ass comes into play tapped.
: Add one and one-half mana of any one color to your mana pool.
, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.